What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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