and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
