margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
