I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
