D3 body, D1 cock
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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