wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
