Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
