what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
