i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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