It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
