Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
