Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
