WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
