I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
