idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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