just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
