you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
