she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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