I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
