mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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