sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My vagina is officially offended.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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