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u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
