I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
