I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
