Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
