is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
