you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
