the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
