it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
