I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
