I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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