Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
