Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
