don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
