It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
