so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
