So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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