fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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