I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
