McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
this hospital has no fireball
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
