That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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