My hair reeks of homosexuality.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
