Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
