I want to make a zoo with you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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