this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
