He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
