Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
