Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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