They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
