Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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